Don’t Breathe

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Hello all!

Hope everyone is doing well. Today I want to rant about a movie I was so excited to watch.  Until I watched it.  Then my excitement turned to slight disgust, slight disgust turned into full on disgust, which then turned into me looking at my lovely man and asking why we were watching it.  Only I didn’t turn it off because I wanted to see how it ended.  That was disappointing too.

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Don’t Breathe cover art

Basically this is a movie about a few wayward teens (maybe they’re teens, I don’t know to be honest), who break into a blind mans house to rob him.  One of the teens, well two of the teens, do it for love.  The other?  He just wants to rob the old man, spoiler alert, he’s the first to die.

So, flaw one so far? Teens who may not be teens robbing a blind man.   Flaw two? Plot! Oh my god, the plot.  It was a good idea. Executed very poorly.  It was billed as a horror movie and it had a couple jump scares, not even good jump scares, but over all it was bad.  Just so so bad!

Now, if you want to watch this movie I won’t ruin it for you.  But for anyone who wants the full spoilers version just so you don’t have to watch it I’ll continue on.  Normally I won’t post spoilers on movies on here, because I don’t want to ruin movies for you guys, but this time around I want to save you from wasting your time.

Following this are spoilers, just a warning.

This movie got really weird, really fast once they break into his home.  Basically, the man is in mourning for his daughter that was killed by a drunk driver. Well, in order to regain an heir he kidnaps the drunk driver that killed his daughter, and impregnates her.  But not in a traditional way.  Nope. We’re going with the turkey baster method.

He keeps this poor girl tied up in the basement, the only door in his home that’s locked.  The door that our unknowing robbers somehow get into. I honestly don’t remember how, I kind of blocked that from my mind after I hit the total mind fuck moment of ‘oh, there’s a pregnant girl in the basement’ and noped out.  I did finish the movie, but because of my nope moment some details aren’t too clear.

The girl in the basement that is pregnant ends up dying too at some point.

He kills both the male robbers in different ways, and once the female robber escapes he sets his dog on her and recaptures her.  This is where shit gets even more weird.

When the female robber comes to, shes suspended from the ceiling in…yup! You guessed it. The basement.  Beings the robbers killed his newest would be spawn he needs to get another one.   It’s at this time we find out he won’t touch the girl, but uses a turkey baster.

Somehow she ends up getting free, pretty sure it was the nerdier robber that was low-key in love with her that helped free her.  The old man is injured and they think he’s dead.  She takes off with her kid to the train station and sees on the news that he’s still alive.

Pretty generic horror movie plot right?  Can’t screw it up? HA! and again HA!  I was insanely disappointed. I’m sure that I’m missing a few small details, and for that I’m sorry.  But to be honest, those details wont make this movie any better.

It’s a movie I’m glad I didn’t pay to see in theaters, if I had I would’ve been even more disappointed than I already was.

If you liked it and you’re sitting there thinking to yourself “Quiet_Introvert, you have no class, this is a fantastic movie” then to each their own, man.  Everyone has different tastes.  But if you’re like me and you watched it while scratching your head wondering why the hell you watched this movie, well, we’re in the same boat friend.

Would  I recommend this movie? Bottom line, no I wouldn’t.

Catch you guys on the flip side,

Quiet_Introvert.

 

 

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